Hello.

I thought I’d send you an email too, because I was thinking about you today, and wanted you to know.

How are you? I know you're not feeling brilliant right now, and that worries me. I'm not sure how to say what I want to say (which is a new thing for me) without sounding like a broken record, or like I’m up myself, or perfect, or some other foreign concept, so I think  I’ll just try to write from the heart and live with the fact that it won’t be polished, or as perfect as I want it to be.

*sigh* so here goes...

I think you're one of the most resilient people I’ve ever met, Cheryl. To me, no matter what happens to you, you seem to be able to bounce back, and move on...I know, however, that the persona you project to others is not the complete story, or an accurate depiction of who you are as a person.

But I guess that’s like most people, isn’t it?

Anyway, I wanted you to know that I believe you are an inspiration. I say this because you don’t seem to quit when you're down, or when things get too hard. And I really admire that because I am one of the people who simply run when things get too bad, and that’s not something I’m proud of. I was so proud of how you auditioned for Australian Idol even after you got rejected by Popstars.  I’m not sure if I would have had the courage
to rise above the feelings of rejection, resentment and uncertainty that come with baring your soul in public and being knocked back.

Cheryl, you are far stronger than you think. You’ve been through a lot in your relatively short life (*watery smile* saying that makes me feel so old...) and yet you've faced adversity with courage and dignity.

I know you may be thinking that I only see the you you want me to see, the you that is courageous, and funny, and smart, and secure, and beautiful, and confident, and important, but I pick up on far more than you think I do.

I know that sometimes you wake up in the morning and hate yourself, and you stare in the mirror and criticize every little flaw, imagined or otherwise. I know that sometimes you berate yourself because you haven’t made the most of your opportunities, or have left things unsaid that should have been revealed.  Sometimes I see the falsely confident you
that you hide behind, always stifling the ever-present sense of shame that accompanies you everywhere you go. I know that sometimes you wonder how anyone in their right mind could love you, because you feel grotesque and worthless.  And I know you feel an ever-changing myriad of emotions, feelings, and thoughts, depending on your mood. but all this is not what makes you unique.

I know that you've had problems defining who you are, and sometimes even separating the real you from the person you're showing people you are. I see that sometimes you're at a loss, floundering because you're not sure about anything: your sexuality, your ability to love and be loved, what you think you have to do to "fit in" with other people, whether you deserved to be hurt so badly when you were young. and I wanted to inform
you that I’ve never believed that people who've been forced to do the best they can with what they've had available to them are anything but resilient, courageous people. I've always believed that heroes aren't born, they're made.

Though there are many differences between us, and though our lives tend to separate us, I firmly believe that we are more alike than you think. Maybe its just wishful thinking, but so much of what I see in you is mirrored in my own heart and soul.

I just wanted to reassure you that you don’t have to explain anything to me, and that even if I don’t understand you I’ll still stand by you.

I wanted you to know that, no matter what choices make for your life, I’ll try my best to support you, even if I find myself completely out of my depth.

And although I may be full of fancy words and bullshit cliches, I hope that you won’t hold it against me, and that you'll begin to find the many words of truth that this contains.  

And I also hope that you'll recognize that this is coming from the heart, and that, although I’ve said a lot, I feel that I haven't said nearly enough, and that there are still hundreds of thousands of mangled, half-formed, semi-unidentifiable thoughts, feelings and raw emotions floating around in my mind, trying in vain to connect themselves so I can share them with the rest of the world once more.

And this is still the closest I’ve come to tears in quite a while, so maybe I’m doing something right for a change.

Anyway, I have a feeling that I’ve said too much in some ways, and not nearly enough in others, so please forgive me.

All I ask of you now is one seemingly simple thing: please write the fact that I’m here for you no matter what on your heart, so that when your needs are most dire, and you feel you have nowhere left to go, you remember I am waiting.

I know a lot of this sounds very soppy and sentimental, and admittedly that’s probably true, but don’t discount the emotions, love, concern, and good intentions that are interwoven with every single word.

I hope this is a comfort in the strangest way, and that one day you will look back and understand why I wrote it. Until then, I simply ask that you maintain an open heart, and a forgiving mind.

I’m now not quite sure about the best way to end this emotional piece, so I think I will simply say goodbye and good luck.

Goodbye.

Good luck.

Love Jessica